What It Takes To Be A Man, Part 1

 

There's a lot of things involved in being a man. More things than I know, certainly. I'm far from the apex of manhood. But there's one thing about being a man that doesn't get talked about a lot.

I don't even really think about it much, except I came across this song earlier today and...wow it hit hard, knowing what some men in my life have gone through... So to all the men out there, this is for you, my brother-at-arms. Know that we see you. Know that we love you.

I was fortunate to grow up with a loving father. A strong father. One who raised nine kids and shepherded a church community, and seldom let anyone see him reach the breaking point. Meanwhile, too many families out there struggle with an unloving father or no father at all. Men who didn't have what it takes to be a man. The first sign of stress, they bailed. Or they turned toxic. Or whatever else. And that's a topic for another manhood discussion. But most men aren't like that.

Beyond my father, I had uncles, grandads, men in the church, fathers of friends, and it would be fair to say I've seen a lot of different variations on manhood. But almost all of them were faithful providers and protectors and lovers.

But there's a part of manhood that all too often goes unseen. Unheard. The invisible man down inside, who is fighting every day. The pressure of day to day life, the pressure of providing for a family in a broken and failing economy, the pressure of indifference or even hostility from friends and sometimes family. The pressure of feeling like you're expected to have all the answers, combined with the pressure that you feel like you don't have any of the answers.

Where are men supposed to go? Where do they find someone stronger than them to lean on for emotional support? Who can lead them? Who can guide them when they don't have answers? Everyone is depending on them to be the strong one. Especially for pastors, counselors, first responders, soldiers, and other leaders who not only have to lead their own family, but also have to shepherd a church or a school or a community, all of whom are leaning on those men. And I know this cuz for all the men I've seen in life... For knowing some of the struggles some of them have faced/are facing... The times I've seen one break down and talk about his struggles and the pain he puts up with... The times I've even seen one cry... It's a rare thing. Men just don't do that. But all men need support sometimes. And few are able to get it.

It puts many men in severe depression as they bottle everything up. Some men don't survive.

Even without a family under me, without the pressure to be a provider, I still fell into depression for years, under the pressure of all the things I felt that I needed to be but felt like I couldn't be. The pressure of feeling like it was wrong to break down. Wrong to need help.

But when did we forget those words JESUS WEPT? The only example of a perfect man, and he allowed himself to break down and cry.

He got me through my fight, he can bring you through yours too. He is stronger than you. He can lead you.

Of course, many of the men I know already lean on Jesus. And in no way is he insufficient, but a soldier needs more than a general to lead him. A soldier also needs brothers/sisters-at-arms. A circle of friends where you aren't expected to be the strong leader, you are only expected to be you. Where you can share each others burdens and sharpen each others swords. Jesus being God, his burdens were too great for man and his iron didn't need sharpened. But even he still had a circle. The disciples, Mary/Martha/Lazarus, Mary the Magdalene, and others.

Keep fighting your fight. Keep winning your war. Keep carrying that weight. Keep providing. Keep protecting. Keep loving. But know YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ALONE. Even if a hug is all you need to keep going, know it's okay to just ask someone for it.

Ask someone for a hug. Ask someone to go on a walk with you, go fishing with you, go hiking, biking, kayaking, or just ask them to sit with you. It can help you feel better even without talking about your struggles. Tho also its okay to find someone who can listen to you talk. Even better if you can find a whole circle that can lean on each other.

And to the rest of y'all, the man in your life, be it a father, uncle, grandparent, brother, minister, church elder, community leader, or whoever he is, will never be perfect while he's around. But if he didn't give up through the storms, if he tries to be a man, don't take him for granted. Some people grow up without a man. And maybe you feel like you don't know how to help the men in your life when they struggle. But it really doesn't take much. Who knows? Doesn't hurt to ask if all he needs is merely a hug.