What Is Your Passion? And Why Aren't You Living It?

 

I read an article a couple weeks ago. "7 Strange Questions to Help You Find Your Life Purpose". Quite fascinating, really. And they are questions I think not a lot of people think about much. I certainly didn't. But I've been mulling over them ever since. And tonight, I had a particular epiphany.

See, one of the questions was "What is something about you today that would make your eight-year-old self cry?" The idea being, what is something you were passionate about when you were a child and believed you could do anything, but that dream got choked out by adulthood.

Tough question. My younger self had more ambitions than could fit in a lifetime. Also he was a selfish prick.

But how weird that it specifically asked EIGHT. I remember little of being eight, but there were some big things that happened.

When I was eight, my first grandparent died.

When I was eight, my youngest brother was born.

And what I want to talk about right now is that when I was eight, my mom's sister took her own life.

I'm pretty sure that was my first exposure to the concept of suicide.

There were many times in my life when I cried hard. A toy broke, or I didn't get to have dessert, or any number of other trivial examples of childhood drama. But my Aunt's funeral... That was different. I was crying hard and it had nothing to do with me. I wasn't grieving. I barely knew my aunt very well, I was young, I was not particularly emotionally sensitive.

No, I was crying hard because the other people in the room were hurting and I was feeling the weight of all of it. My grandparents lost a daughter. My mom and uncles lost a sister. A cousin lost his mom. My other cousins lost an aunt. I didn't understand it at the time, but that was the start of me developing a sensitive empathy.

I vowed to myself I would never suicide. I had no idea what depression actually felt like, how hard it actually was.

I vowed I would never leave my family with all that hurt I was feeling.

Many years later, those seeds were rooted like a tree planted by rivers of water. I found out exactly what suicidal depression felt like. But I had vowed I would never suicide. I had vowed my family would not feel that pain. Those vows I had made at eight helped me to hold on when I had nothing left.

But that wasn't the end of it.

I was a selfish prick before that day. I was a selfish prick long after that day. But some seeds were planted. Eight-year-old self wanted to give hope to the hopeless so nobody would suicide.

Frankly, that passion got snuffed out by the worries and cares of life. Till in February 2022, an acquaintance of mine took his life. I never knew he had been struggling. His death hit me hard, and I resolved to watch harder for the hurting ones.

But even then, my life has been mostly saturated with going to work and paying bills and taxes.

Till tonight, this epiphany hit me. And it kinda stings a bit. But maybe that's the point.

David, your 8yo self had a passion to give hope to the hopeless.

Your current self has a passion to do that.

So YOU KNOW what matters to you.

So, David, what the heck are you doing with your life?

Frankly, I don't know.

I do know that I want to somehow spend my life doing something that gives hope to hopeless people.

But I'm gonna need to make a living somehow.

So I'm not exactly sure yet just what my life will look like where those two goals cross each other. There are a variety of ways i could get there. Just not sure which road to take. Yet. But at least now I'm paying attention.

Its not about the money. Don't take a job for a big house or a fancy car. Take a job that lets you fulfill what really matters to you. Do you know what really matters to you?

What matters to me?

HOPE.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.
Hebrews 10:23

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people.
Ephesians 1:18  

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners.
Isaiah 61:1