Hallelujah Anyway

 

You know, the Bible is oddly full of "what ifs". Verses that pose the idea of "what if the Lord fails me?"

Think of Daniel's three friends who were thrown into a furnace. "Even if our God does not save us from your fire, we will still serve him."

Think of Job. He was convinced that God was doing unjust evils to him. He was questioning how God could be so cruel as to torture a righteous man. And he still said, "even if he kills me, I will serve him."

Habakkuk 3:17-18 says, "Even if the fig tree does not bloom and the vines have no grapes, even if the olive tree fails to produce and the fields yield no food, even if the sheep pen is empty and the stalls have no cattle--even then, I will be happy with the Lord. I will truly find joy in God, who saves me."

1 Peter 3:14, "Even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened."

Psalm 23, known and loved by so many around the world... "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." 

Psalm 27:3, "Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident."

Over and over, the "what if" is posed. And over and over, the answer is the same. Whatever course the Lord has set before you, stay on it anyway.

And I had my own experience this past week. 

On Saint Patrick's Day, I had the opportunity to attend a Rend Collective concert in my hometown. Long, they have stood as one of my favorite music groups, and that night, they pulled out so many of my favorite songs.

More Than Conquerors, Undignified, Lighthouse, Build Your Kingdom, Roll Like A River, Every Giant Will Fall, Joy of the Lord, and so many more! It was an amazing night of worship as I communed with Abba in the side aisle, letting go of self-conscientious as if I was the only person there.

But you know, the worship was wonderful yet simultaneously painful. Because for the previous couple weeks, I had been wrestling with a major dilemma. See, I'm a dreamer with big ideas, passionate aspirations, and lofty visions. But for years and years, every step I try to take towards my dreams always seems just out of reach. Every step I take feels like its right there. I'm right on the edge. But its always just one step away. This year, I thought I had it made.

This was gonna be the year that changed everything, the year I took some huge steps. But Abba brought other doors into my life and I was torn, not sure if he was trying to close the door I wanted to go through, or if he was testing me to leap out in faith.

I had been praying for a sign to know where the Lord was working, where he wanted me to work alongside him. Where he was calling me to go. But I hadn't gotten an answer.

That night, at the concert, the band started singing Hallelujah Anyway. Halfway through the song, it broke me. I knew what Abba was calling me to do in answer to my dilemma.

Even if the path you want to take isn't the one I've called you to, will you follow me anyway?"

Its hard being willing to give up things you've been dreaming of for years. Especially when they are dreams of things you want to do for the Lord's glory and kingdom.

Yet I've seen his hand on my life. I know how things go when I try to run them. I know his ways are higher than ours.

My voice wavered and my eyes were damp, but I found the strength to sing.

Even if my daylight never dawns
Even if my breakthrough never comes
Even if I'll fight to bring You praise
Even if my dreams fall to the ground
Even if I'm lost, I know I'm found
Even if my heart will somehow say
Hallelujah anyway

I still have my hopes and aspirations. I still believe they are from Abba. I know He wants me to keep making movements to him. I know every giant will fall. But we're not there yet. We're in the waiting game, like Moses leading sheep in the wilderness. Though hopefully I won't be waiting till I'm eighty. But what I thought was a closed door, I think now its simply a window. Cuz sometimes Abba does that. He gives us a window, to let us see what's coming. We're not there yet, but it gives us hope. It gives us something to aspire to. It keeps the spark alive through stormy trials.

Maybe you have a dream you think you're never gonna reach. Maybe you have a giant you think is never gonna fall. A trial you think will never end. A pain that you think will never stop.

But even if we think we are lost, Abba has found us and he won't let us go. Worship is a choice, so let it rise.

Hallelujah anyway.